Learning to Trust Yourself
I tend to notice trends in what my clients bring to their psychotherapy sessions. In 2023, the big theme was self-compassion. We talked frequently about how to be gentle with yourself. As we move into 2024, I’ve been noticing how those conversations have evolved to be about self-confidence. So if I’m going to have a speciality as a psychotherapist this year, it is going to be Self-Confidence.
What is self-confidence?
I define self-confidence as, “the ability to listen to yourself and trust yourself.” Helping clients listen to themselves and learn to trust themselves feels like very important work to me. And “Important” is a key word to keep in mind when working on self-confidence. This work is about sinking down and turning inward to figure out what’s important to you.
Doing that inner work to figure out what’s important to you can be really hard when you’re bombarded by so many outside influences. I think many of us are recovering people pleasers, always trying to do what other people think is right for us, whether that’s a parent, a friend, a significant other, or just society at large. We’re also contending with overwork and burnout. I know when things get too busy and the voices in my ear get too loud, I can’t hear myself. So in therapy sessions, my goal is to provide you with a safe, quiet space to listen to yourself.
Figuring out what’s important
In sessions, I give space for my clients to think about what things they are currently doing that feel good to them, that align with who they are and what’s important to them. Then we look at what things they’re doing that don’t align with what feels right to them, even if those things look good on paper or to the rest of society. I encourage them to pause, breathe, listen to their body, figure out what fits. As they determine what’s important to them, their self-confidence–their ability to listen to and trust themselves–grows.
Even when you clear out the noise, you may not know how to start figuring out what’s truly important for you. Finding someone like a therapist who can create that space and opportunity for you to do so is a great step, but you can also start exploring on your own. One resource I’ve found is @morganharpernichols on Instagram. Recently she had a great post with a ton of ideas for “words of the year” that could jumpstart your inner exploration.
When to seek therapy for self-confidence
So many of my clients, no matter what they’re seeking support for in therapy, can benefit from self-confidence work. It shows up in almost every topic my clients bring to me–relationships, jobs, friendships, their relationship to food, exercise, parenting, the list goes on. While I see the need for it in a lot of young adults who haven’t had as much time to listen to and learn themselves, I believe all humans have times they need support to grow their self-confidence.
Here are some signs that therapy for self-confidence could benefit you:
If you ever find yourself thinking things that include the phrase “I should” (“I should start doing yoga,” “I should be more patient with my kids,” or “I should stay at my job that I hate just a few more months”), you might be having trouble tuning out the noise from others. Any time you’re saying, “I should,” that voice is probably coming from an external source. If you’re saying, “I want to,” that’s when you know that you're listening to yourself.
If you’re in the middle of a life transition or thinking you need a life transition, but don’t know the next steps, working on your self-confidence can help you make those decisions.
If you’re bored and find yourself thinking, “I used to be stimulated/engaged/motivated/excited and now I’m uninspired,” you’re probably having trouble listening to yourself.
If you’re experiencing a lot of pressure and difficulty, you might not be listening to yourself. Recently, someone posted this anonymously in a Facebook group I’m a member of: “If you want an easy life, you have to make hard decisions.” I believe there is so much truth to this wisdom. Whenever I have chosen to make hard decisions, if I’ve made them based on what other people or what society thinks I should do because I’m terrified of displeasing them, that’s when I’ve felt dissatisfied and inauthentic in my life. But if I listen to myself and trust myself, once I’ve made those decisions there has been an ease and peace to my life.
If you’re someone struggling to gain self-confidence in any aspect of your life, I’m here to help. Schedule a consultation for virtual therapy today.
Avalon Psychotherapy offers online therapy in Georgia. We are also happy to offer individual relationship counseling, young adult therapy, life transitions therapy, and individual DBT therapy.